Pecking Order And Pistols
She took a deep breath from behind the steering wheel of her parked car and glanced at the house. She hadn’t signed up for this. Well, technically she had, but she couldn’t have fathomed at the time that her volunteer role would lead to sleepless nights, shouting matches, and even death threats. It had seemed simple and honorable to volunteer to mitigate neighborly quarrels and enforce well-meaning rules to keep the neighborhood in tip-top shape. Now, only six months later, she was going to hand in her resignation as the HOA Board President. A person could only take so much abuse.
She was a single mother of four, whose ex-husband had left when their youngest was just one and a half years old. He said he’d fallen truly and deeply in love with another woman, and through this he had come to realize that he had never really loved her. Although painful to hear and process, she had briefly pondered the possibility that he had, in fact, never loved her. Until she saw the “love of his life” for the first time and it became crystal clear that what he really loved had nothing to do with the twenty-something’s personality.
A few months later, he and his new Cinderella moved eight hours away to Amarillo, ostensibly to be closer to her family. He had promised and sworn on his life that despite the distance, nothing mattered more than the children they shared and he would continue to be very involved in their lives. To his credit and her surprise, he was, at least for the first few months. Then slowly but surely the excuses started coming. No, he couldn’t come this week because work was incredibly stressful, or no, he wouldn’t be able to make their oldest’s birthday party as his new wife was sick, and so on and so forth. It didn’t take long until he no longer even bothered with excuses, simply sending curt texts such as “can’t come this week” or “hey this week won’t work.”
At first her children had been incredibly sad and disappointed each time he didn’t show. Eventually though, they didn’t seem to care at all. She wasn’t convinced that this was better. After the divorce, she had thrown herself into her work as a patent lawyer in downtown Austin, and spent every waking moment not at work with her children. Together, they had carved out a new normal, and eventually she met a kind man with warm eyes and graying hair. It was this man who had noticed that the volunteer position of HOA Board President was vacant, and had told her he thought she would be great at it.
At first she scoffed at the idea. Discussing hedge height for hours on end? Debating appropriate front door colors? How was that improving the world? But, after thinking about it for a while, she thought that perhaps she could lead the neighborhood HOA in a friendlier, less pedantic direction. Maybe with her help, the HOA would become a welcoming organization that simply gently reminded those in the neighborhood of what they had agreed to when they moved in. And so, she tossed her hat in the ring and was elected not two weeks later.
For the first little while, she went about implementing her vision for a more welcoming community, and the community responded with warmth and positivity. The board meetings were well-attended, where she always had a sheet of her fresh-baked famous chocolate-chip cookies for all participants. Things started to derail though when the adult son of one of their neighbors moved back in with his parents after hitting hard times. His car was subsequently regularly parked on the street, and the HOA had a strict no-parking-on-the-curb policy. She had decided to let it slide, as the living arrangement was to be temporary. One of her particularly pushy board members took a strong disliking to her parking apathy, growing more aggressive and angry with each meeting.
This pushy and plump retired schoolteacher believed her anger to be righteous, and what had started with parking quickly became much more. Each week she brought more and more violations before the board, and her attacks started becoming personal. She began campaigning for her removal as president.
In a last-ditch attempt to appease her, she had paid a visit to a neighbor who was keeping chickens in his backyard, which, ms. plump had loudly proclaimed at their last meeting, was an egregious violation and simply could not stand. She had asked the neighbor to look at his chicken coup and after seeing it for herself, had reminded him that keeping chickens was not allowed and if he did not get rid of them she would be forced to fine him.
The chicken-keeping neighbor had then reminded her that she was on his property and he had the right to shoot her right then and there. She feigned a calm demeanor, chuckled nervously and hurried back to her car. Thus how she found herself now behind her steering wheel shaking and crying. She decided she would pen her resignation and send it immediately the following morning. This simply wasn’t worth it. She realized she’d rather go through another divorce than police chicken coups and parking spots. What a strange world.